Day 35 – Fighting fear as a way to exercise faith

On Day 4, I shared about how I had been impacted by a prophetic message given by Aaron Walsh concerning the relationship between fear and faith. It's been almost exactly a month since I heard this word and God has really, really been using it with me! I want to share an update from my journey with you.

I have literally cut and pasted a chunk of my Day 4 message to remind myself, and you, what his message was:

• In the third dream, Aaron was at a meeting of the global prayer movement. God told them that a far worse shaking was coming, but that the prayer movement is not to fear. The shaking is actually for us. For 6 million years, God has held himself back from a great transfer of finances. However, He is not going to restrain Himself any longer. But, you must believe that God is good to you in His personal provision for you. God said that the war of faith and fear will be fought on the battlefield of personal finance. The way forward: God is going to release a generous spirit that dismantles fear in our hearts. He will use the economic shaking to reveal our fears regarding our personal finances. If we turn to God, He will dismantle our fears and give us faith to trust His provision and be generous with others. God wants to communicate deeply that He is our source.
  
• In the fourth dream, God told Aaron that the Mother of all fears is finance. We attack fear by moving in the opposite spirit. Instead of moving to labor in our hearts to fix the problem, we need to trust in God to provide for us.
  

As I said before, I was deeply impacted by this word. One of the biggest blessings that I am experiencing during internship is that God is dismantling the fears in my heart – thank You Jesus! However, one of the biggest challenges that I am facing every day is that God is dismantling the fears in my heart. J This is what I am asking Him to do, but man is it hard! I have discovered that God is using my fears regarding my personal finances to uncover all of the other fears in my heart too. I have earned a steady income for the past five years of my life. I realize now that I didn't think that I really had to rely on God's provision for myself because I could depend on my salary to pay my bills. But now that I do have to depend on God for my financial provision, I keep finding myself with a zero balance in my check book AND in my savings and I have absolutely NO idea how I am going to pay my monthly bills. In this moment of financial fear, all of the other fears that have been hiding in my heart seem to come pouring out too. It's as if they heard that a fear party may soon be happening in my heart and they don't want to miss out. If I had to summarize these fears, then I would say that I am afraid that God is good to other people, but not me and this is expressed in pretty much every area of my life.

I have a choice every day; usually multiple times a day in various arenas. I can choose to cave in to fear that God does not really love me and does not really have good things specifically for me. Or, I can stop defining God by my circumstances and I can choose to ask Him for help, through prayer, and remind myself of what the Bible tells me is always true of Him. I have yet to be delivered from my fears, but I am finding a greater grace to reach toward Jesus for help faster. I also think that my faith muscle is getting stronger because of the fact that I am able to trust God for longer and longer periods of time before I fall back into unbelief. But, it's a lot of work and I'm not sure that God is going to release me from this process any time soon. I think that He is ecstatic about how much more we are talking every day. And, I think that He really likes how honest I am with Him about my unbelief, when I feel angry because He doesn't do things my way, when I cry out in fear because I am so scared that He's not going to provide for me and I really, really want to make my own plan B, and even when I feel so tired of fighting that I'm not sure I can go on. I believe that God really loves me and that the sound of my voice moves His Father's heart, even when I rail against him because I still see so dimly that He really is all powerful, all knowing, really perfect in love and wisdom and more committed to my happiness than I am. God made me, so He knows better than I do how weak and frail my love and affection really is. He sees how hard it actually is for me to say "Yes" to Him and to trust that He is my source instead of trying to fix the problem myself. I think that this is why His heart really is so moved by every weak glance of my eye and every small submission of my will to His. SOS 4:9 I think that Jesus actually understands how fickle my attention and my affection really are, so He rejoices every time I purpose in my heart to be completely His.

I do not think that this is something unique that God is doing in me. If you are at all interested in or involved in the global prayer movement, i.e. a HOP somewhere, then I am confident that you are either already experiencing this financial shaking or soon will be because this is part of how God is making Jesus' Bride ready. If this is the case, then I would really love to pray for you as I pray for myself and others who are already in this process. Please email me at jodypearcy81@yahoo.com or through Facebook to let me know how I can be praying for you.

Also, if God is stirring you to want to support me financially, then that would be a huge blessing to me because I am still in need of monthly support and trusting God to provide it. You can make checks payable to the Rock River House of Prayer and send them to c/o Laban Hoover, 307 N Highland Ave, Rockford, IL 61107.