Day 39 – There is a treasure in me

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 2 Corinthians 4:7-10

John Begel spoke at the Encountering God Service (EGS) last night and his message was powerful. I strongly encourage you to listen to it through the archives. He began by talking about how God chooses to hide His treasure in the strangest places, meaning us. John went on to talk about how it seems to delight God to keep people in a place a weakness and this is what I want to focus on.

And He (Jesus) has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9a

Blessed (or happy) are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:3

God loves to bring His incredible power and His loving presence into my life when I am weak. He also seems to protect me in weakness. As John said, "Satan can smell pride a solar system away" and God uses weakness to protect us from becoming prideful. All of this was somewhat familiar to me. I was thinking, "This is a good reminder", but I wasn't feel really challenged. That happened next…

John shared that God had started challenging him with Matthew 5:3. God told John that He was having a hard time working with him because John didn't know how to be poor in spirit because he was always trying to be rich. This really impacted me because I am also always trying to be rich. And not just financially, although I will be honest and say that I pray for that too. But, I want to be rich in the greater sense in that I want to be free from sin and struggle and pain and fear and jealousy and insecurity and anger…I think you get the picture.

I was already convicted. But John went on to identify 4 high places that I have definitely been worshipping at and I was convicted further:

• Self-glorification: I make a name for me. I seek to earn recognition, affirmation and approval from people. (This is when I tell you things about me that I hope will impress you so that you will compliment me and I can feel really special.)
  
• Self-gratification: I want my life to work well. Please! I want to be successful, comfortable and I want all of my relationships and tasks to operate smoothly. (But, really, who doesn't? Although that doesn't make it any more right…)
  
• Self-falsification/promotion: I misrepresent myself so that I look better to others and get more of that recognition that I enjoy so much. (This is when I make up an answer to a counseling question that someone asks me because I really don't know, but I don't want them to know that.)
  
• Self-sufficiency: I want to take care of myself. I want to be financially independent, emotionally stable, intellectually brilliant, physically strong and completely holy all by myself. (This is when I think that I really can earn my salvation because I am such a good person.)
  

I wept as I repented at the end of the service. I was so grieved to see that I still have quite a little kingdom devoted to me. I felt so thankful that I could turn my eyes to my sympathetic high priest, Jesus Christ, and ask Him to forgive me (Heb 4:15). I felt so grateful that He loves me too much to leave me enslaved to sin. I asked Jesus to help me to follow His perfect example: to die to myself and to live for God. I also asked God to help me to embrace weakness and frailty in my life since He longs to encounter me in that place. I have been trying to get rid of my weaknesses for my whole life or at least to hide them so that no one can see them. I had not realized that God would keep revealing them because it is in my weakness that He most wants to connect with me and lavish His love upon me. It is in my weakness that He can best display the treasure that He has hidden within me: Himself. For when my little earthen vessel is broken, then the light of His glory shines out most spectacularly.