Day 3

Stuart Greaves spoke to us this morning and he is really funny!

One highlight for me was when he was talking about how prayer is being vulnerable with God. He gave the example of Jeremiah in chapter 20, beginning in verse 7, when he is basically calling God a liar, "O LORD, You have deceived me and I was deceived". Then, just 6 verses later in verse 13, he is praising God, "Sing to the LORD, praise the LORD!" And, then in the very next verse, verse 14, Jeremiah curses the day he was born and in verse 15, he goes even further and says, "Cursed be the man who brought the news to my father." Stuart was making cracks about how we can be so angry one minute, worshipping God the next, and then despairing just another minute later. I have had this experience many times, so it was affirming to think that the famous prophet Jeremiah had this same problem and God still used him mightily.

I really enjoyed my time in the prayer room this morning. I had to work through several orientation questions in order to prepare for our core apartment group meeting this afternoon. In answering the first question about who I believe I am, I realized that God is not the only person who is defining my identity. My identity is also shaped by what I think God wants from me and how well or poorly I am living up to what I believe are His expectations. I came to the conclusion that though I think that I am loved by God, I don't always feel very sure that he likes me, especially when I don't think that I'm walking in obedience or holiness.

This process paved the way for me to answer the second question: describe why you believe you are here at IHOP-KC and what you hope to get out of this season. I really want to encounter the love of God and to feel confident that He enjoys me. I want to know God more, as a person, and to allow Him to know me without hiding what I am afraid are undesirable parts of my personality. I want to soak in the warmth of His love and find rest for my weary spirit and freedom from my many fears. I want His thoughts and feelings about me to become the most influential and important in shaping my identity.

My core apartment group is made up of me, my three roommates, and four girls from Track 2 who live in another apartment and our leader Jiun Chern. We each shared our responses to these two questions. It was powerful to hear the testimonies from the Track 2 girls about what God has been doing in their lives. This was also a great opportunity to hear more specifically from my roommates about why they came to FITN and what they are hoping to see God do in the next 3 months. I was able to share with them honestly, even though that can be hard for me, and they were very supportive and encouraging. I think that this will be a great group of women to have around me as I go through the "detox" process that God seems to have started in me since I arrived. It's like all of my fears, the wrong things that I believe about God and all of my weaknesses are rushing to the surface at the same time. I'm thankful for this opportunity to see them, repent, ask for forgiveness and help, but it can feel kind of overwhelming when they come all at once. So, I'm very thankful that I am not alone and that I am surrounded by people who are going through a similar experience.

We finished our day at orientation for the Children's Equipping Center. I will likely be serving there once a week and they are doing some incredible ministry and training with children! Their children are singing apostolic prayers and learning how to listen to the Holy Spirit, interpret dreams and pray prophetically. So, I think that it would be a wonderful opportunity for me to complete service hours there. Hopefully, I can learn tons of stuff that we can replicate at R2HOP!

Day 2

Well, I am very happy to say that I slept for close to 7 hours last night! (Or, yesterday afternoon and evening, I should say.)

It felt strange to wake up at 10:15 PM and start getting ready for the day. But, when we went outside in the dark and walked to the cafeteria for breakfast, we just pretended that it was really early in the morning. We had another orientation meeting to start our day. We also talked more about the 21-day Daniel fast and why the IHOP-KC leadership team is doing this now.

Here are a few of the reasons why I want to join them:

• I really want to encounter the love of God in a fresh way.
  
• I want to seek Him wholeheartedly and remove all of the distractions that are already coming up in my mind and in my heart.
  
• I want greater revelation of who God is and who He says I am
  
• I want to believe God
  
• I want to intercede for breakthrough for my family, my friends, R2HOP, my city, my country and the world.
  

We spent 4 hours in the prayer room between 2 and 6 AM and I really enjoyed it! Our first watch was worship in the Word and it felt very sweet. Our second watch was intercession and it was really fun when Dale prayed for the FITN interns because I am one of them. I didn't go up when he called for rapid fire prayer because so many other people did, but I know that I will, one of these days…

I had to get some coffee after lunch. Unfortunately, they had only instant coffee at breakfast and I am too much of a coffee snob for that to be a possibility. We are interviewing people in the apartments in our building to see if anyone has one that they are not using. Otherwise, we may have to resort to buying one so that we don't spend all of our money in the coffee shop.

We spent our "afternoon" at a local park and enjoyed some sunshine. I was lucky enough to play kickball and participate in a large game of Red Rover. Kickball is even better than I remembered! Red Rover, however, should only be played by consenting adults. It is clear to me why school children are no longer allowed to play this game. Several people, including me, were clothes-lined while trying to break through and it hurts your arm, wrist and hand when you cling to someone else's while trying to keep a third person from crashing through. But, I am sure that only doing these types of activities outside could have kept us awake until dinner.

I am now getting ready for bed, even though it is 2:10 PM, because lights-out happens at 3:00 PM. And, I'm VERY excited to be going to sleep! I haven't felt that tired, but definitely fuzzy. Hopefully, I will adjust to this schedule quickly.

Day 1

It is crazy to finally be here, starting my internship!

We spent most of today unpacking and getting to know our roommate's. I am ecstatic to say that I have been placed with people who are close to my age! I am sharing a room with Lis, who is 29 and spent 5 years teaching in Japan. (Incidentally, her name is actually Elisabeth Bennett, like in Pride and Prejudice, which I love!) Then, in the other room we have Christian, also 29, and Jessie who is 27. I am incredibly thankful to be with these lovely ladies and looking forward to sharing this adventure with them.

Dale, who directs Fire in the Night, provided our introductory session today and it was great. He explained that we are beginning internship at a crucial point in history. FITN (Fire in the Night) has just changed their sleep schedule following 90 days of consecration and research about circadian rhythms. They are also beginning a 21-day Daniel fast tonight at midnight to launch this new season and new schedule. I feel so excited to be here in the midst of all of this and to be able to take advantage of it!

Dale shared that he and his wife have been praying for us from Philippians 4, beginning in verse 4 and continuing through verse 7.

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I thought, of course we are talking about not being anxious! I just got here and God is already reading my mail…I love it!

Dale highlighted the following points:

• The Lord is near. He is doing something in our midst and He is near to us.
  
• Be anxious for nothing. As we press in to God, especially in fasting, our junk gets stirred up and we usually become anxious.
  
• The peace of God touches your spirit when you turn to the Lord and bank your hopes on Him.
  
  • This can surpass what traditional wisdom says and guard our spirits in peace when we are called to go against traditional wisdom.
    
  • Our first response to anxiety should be to turn to the Lord and process it with Him. Then, we can also get prayer from others.
    

He also challenged us to pray:

Here I am, Lord. Put a bulls-eye on my heart. Don't send me home without a fire on my heart.

This is definitely my prayer for this special season in my life!

Getting close

Well, my internship starts in less than 1 week, on September 28. It doesn't quite feel real, but I am getting excited. Here are some of the highlights from my welcome packet:

"This will be a time to set yourself before the Lord and 'taste and see' that He is good!"

Track 1 Classes:
Excellencies of Christ
Introduction to the Forerunner Message and Lifestyle
Tools for the Prayer Room
Pure Heart
Friday Night Encounter God Service
Sunday Morning Forerunner Christian Fellowship Service
Small Groups and E-12s (small groups focused on End-Time topics)

Schedule:
12:30 AM - 2 AM - Class Teaching Time
2 AM - 6 AM - Prayer Room
6 AM - 2 PM - Class Teaching Time, Small Group, Service Hours
3 PM - 11 PM - Sleeping!

And finally, I found this little poem in the modesty manual (dress code) and thought that it was fantastic:

Raise your hands, touch your toes.
If anything shows, change your clothes!

I feel so grateful and blessed to have this opportunity to spend a season at IHOP-KC. I want to say a HUGE thank-you to each of you who have generously supported me financially and made this experience possible!