Day 32 – Not every day is an encounter day

I have officially been here for a month. Yay! And, I have officially had my first day of feeling "blah" in the prayer room. Even as I type this, I want to qualify that statement to sound more spiritual…

But, I think that the reality is that life is not all one great, big, spiritual high; even when you are doing an amazing internship at IHOP-KC.

I think that this is probably a good experience for me to have. I have felt SO blessed over the past month and God has really, really been doing significant work in me. But, life is not just spiritual, it's also natural. I think that I had a natural day today.

I have a huge list of passages of Scripture that we have discussed that I want to review and a pile of books that I have been encouraged to read through. I didn't really want to read through any of it though. So, I tried to participate in worship and intercession. I was even engaging with my mind, not allowing my thoughts to wander as I sometimes do. My heart still did not feel stirred. So, I grabbed my Bible and started studying in Hebrews about how Jesus is our great high priest, how He is tender with us in our weaknesses, and how He died in order to bring us near to Him. This usually moves me, but still nothing. Then, I was reading in John 15 and 17 about how much both God and Jesus love me. But, I still didn't feel emotionally moved.

I started to search my soul to figure out what hidden sin was hindering me from experiencing God's presence. He didn't reveal anything. Then, I started to think that it could be spiritual. God is removing my experience of His presence so that I will pursue Him even more aggressively. This could be true. But, I think that it is just as true that God wants me to remember how to function in the real world where my emotions don't soar at all times. I think that He wants me to know that I am committed to pursuing intimacy with Him even when I am not experiencing an emotional high. I really enjoy when I feel close to God and I am aware of how much He loves me. I prefer feeling that way to the normal feelings that I have now. But, I also don't want to let my feelings dictate what I think about God and whether or not I choose to follow Him.

I choose to love God and obey Him with all that I am because He is worthy of my worship and I want to be obedient to Him. I commit to do this even when I don't feel like it, though I still hope that my feelings will eventually shift. But, even if they don't, He is God and I want to give Him my all because He gave me His all.