Day 8

I had my first Daniel class yesterday afternoon with Dale Anderson and my first PHD (Prophecy, Healing and Deliverance) class this afternoon with Jeff Eggers. But, I will tell you more about those classes another day…

What I really want to share today is from my second Forerunner class this morning with Alisha Powell. We are currently working through the Song of Songs curriculum. We began by talking about the superior pleasures that are found in intimacy with Christ. Alisha made the point that it is not enough just to say no to the pleasures of sin. If we say no, then we are obedient, but we will likely fall back into sin if we do not replace the pursuit of sinful pleasures with the superior pleasures of connecting with God. She also made the distinction between "affection-based obedience" and "fear-based obedience" or "shame-based obedience". "Affection-based obedience" is obedience that flows from experiencing Jesus' love or affection for us. "Fear-based obedience" or "shame-based obedience" is obedience that flows from fear of being put to shame or the fear of suffering negative consequences. If I'm afraid of being caught, I don't usually stop sinning; I just become sneakier and hide my sin. This increases my fear of being caught and put to shame and creates a whole vicious cycle. If, on the other hand, I am enjoying God and I feel that He enjoys me too, then it will be much easier for me to obey His word.

I also liked a statement that I found in the notes about what to do in difficult circumstances:

In difficult circumstances, we actively rejoice in God and confess His loving leadership instead of sinking in anxiety. (That's what I usually do—sinking into anxiety!) We declare that we are glad in His good leadership. In the darkness of the midnight hour, we remember the revelation He gave us in His chambers.

His banner (leadership) over me was love. (Song 2:4)

We know that all things work together for good to those who love God… (Rom 8:28)

They sang responsively…giving thanks to the LORD: "For He is good, for His mercy endures forever toward Israel." (Ezra 3:11)

I am really, really trying to change to way that I think and it's hard. I have discovered that I literally have hundreds of anxious thoughts each day. I am trying to respond to the Holy Spirit and every time He points one out to me, I repent, I ask Him to help me take that thought captive and then I remind myself that God is good toward me, all the time. I also like Psalm 145:9:

The LORD is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made.

And just yesterday, when I did that for the umpteenth time, I realized that God was not mad or disappointed in me because I keep thinking anxious thoughts. I could actually feel His pleasure over me for desiring to have a pure mind with thoughts that submit to Him. This was new for me because I have a hard time believing that God is pleased with me even when I think I'm doing a good job at life. I don't know if I have ever felt His pleasure when I was actively struggling through something. I feel really excited because I think that His affection is starting to break into my heart. I am starting to see what I have been asking Him to reveal to me: that one glance of my eye ravishes His heart. (Song 4:9)

So, I keep praying, as Mike Bickle recommends in the study guide:

Father, let Your Son kiss me with His word. Let Your Son put His hand upon my heart. Enlarge my capacity to experience affection from Jesus. Let Your Son increase my capacity to receive His love.

He is doing it, Praise God!

Also, I was really moved this morning during the 4 AM watch when we prayed for Haiti. I'm not sure if I experienced the anointed prayer that Mike preached about, but this felt pretty intense to me. My heart felt like it was on fire, literally, and my whole body was tingling. I was just weeping as I interceded for the church in Haiti and especially the orphans. I had two different opportunities to join in rapid fire prayer and I did, praying in French both times. I almost didn't make it through the line the first time because it was right in the middle of feeling so gripped that it hurt me to breathe. After about 30 to 45 minutes, it lifted. I continued praying, but it no longer felt as intense. If you have a heart for Haiti, then I encourage you to go back and watch the archives. I guess they pray for Haiti every Wednesday at 4 AM, so I'm going to make sure that I have my French Bible with me next time so that I can pray the scriptures too.