Day 12 – I want a judge

I want a judge who knows my heart. I want a judge who understands what motivates me and is merciful enough to allow me to experience the consequences of my sin. When I experience those consequences, it should turn me back to God. I will realize that my way is not better and that in the end, my way leads to death.

For years, I have lived in fear of being judged. By God and by other people. Sometimes even by myself. But, I am beginning to see that fearing judgment and pretending that God is not a judge is not helping me. Because, God is my judge.

But the LORD abides forever; He has established His throne for judgment, and He will judge the world in righteousness; He will execute judgment for the peoples with equity. The LORD also will be a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Psalm 9:7-9

I think that I would rather have God judge my thoughts and actions now, when there is still time for me to repent and be led, by Him, into righteousness. But, without knowing that He loves me in my weakness, I think that it is incredibly difficult to submit to this process. So, I am very thankful that He is assuring me of His goodness and His love toward me every day!

During Daniel class today, Dale Anderson was talking about how one of the problems in the western church is that we want God to be the sum of all of His parts. And, we have this idea that He is compartmentalized. That He puts His mercy on pause when He is administering justice. But, in fact, God is who He is. He does not cease being merciful, loving, perfect or good when He sends forth judgment. And, when I pretend that this is not true in order to make sense of troubling situations like tornadoes that God sends that kill people and cruel dictators like Mogabe in Zimbabwe that He puts in power, I am creating a god by own hands. This is idolatry. And, it keeps me from enjoying intimacy with the true God. I want to know God as He is and worship Him for being God. Even when it feels challenging. Especially when the circumstances in my life seem to suggest that He is other than what He is.

We studied Daniel 2:1-23 this morning. Dale reminded us that even the greatest leaders are still human and that even they are vulnerable when they sleep. He suggested that God will often use this time to speak to them as a sign of His mercy. This challenged me to spend more time praying for governmental leaders to have dreams and encounters with God in the night.

Dale also talked about how we have an entitlement mentality in our culture, similar to that of the magicians in Daniel 2. They were so used to the king giving them everything: rich food and wine, education and training and a luxurious lifestyle. When Nebuchadnezzar put pressure on them to do their job and tell them his dream, they were forced to admit the truth that they had no connection with God or any ability to do what they were supposed to do. Daniel, on the other hand, was aligned with God. Even though he didn't have the dream or the interpretation, he believed that God was able to provide it. So, he and his friends did the best thing that we can do in a moment of crisis: call a prayer meeting and fast.

I think that it's so easy to have an entitlement mentality as I live surrounded by our culture. I like everything that is instant and easy and enjoyable. I think that this is one of the reasons that living a fasted lifestyle is so important. It goes against that "give it to me" perspective. Fasting is hard, uncomfortable and inconvenient, which is exactly the point. It reminds me that I'm weak and I need God. It reminds me that this world doesn't have the answers and God does. It reminds me that I want to lean into Him and that there is more to reach for, rather than just enjoying what this world has to offer. And then, when a crisis hits, I know that God is who I want to go to for help. Dale calls this the Joel Principle.

Blow the trumpet in Zion, Consecrate a fast, Call a sacred assembly; Gather the people, Sanctify the congregation, Assemble the elders, Gather the children and nursing babes; Let the bridegroom go out from his chamber, and the bride from her dressing room. Let the priests, who minister to the LORD, weep between the porch and the altar; Let them say, "Spare Your people, O LORD, and do not give Your heritage to reproach… Joel 2:15-17

This is what I am trying to do as I consider all of the areas in my life where I am not sure what to do. I am declaring my weakness, praying for help and fasting. I believe that God will provide everything I need.