Day 14

Today has been a good day.

I am actually going to copy almost a whole section of my Song of Solomon study guide here because it so stirred me.

VIII. Praying for Deliverance from Compromise

• The maiden responds to Jesus' exhortation to see her face and hear her voice as she prays for deliverance. She cries out for Jesus' help to catch the little foxes of compromise in her life.
  

  
   

  Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes. (Song 2:15)
  

  
   

• The "little foxes" in the vineyard of our heart speak of our small compromises that include fear, sinful thoughts, attitudes, words and the small yet continual misuse of time and money.
  
• Our vine refers to our fellowship with God. The tender grapes speak of her immaturity in life and the tiny places where she is beginning to be fruitful in Him. The foxes keep destroying her fruitfulness.
  
• It is the little areas that hold us back from walking in the Spirit. She sees the seriousness of small areas that prevent her from going deep in God.
  
• We want more in God than just avoiding scandalous sin. We want our vineyard to be full of mature fruit. The issues of unwholesome speech, unclean thoughts and attitudes that resist servanthood and humility are the little foxes that destroy our intimacy with the Lord.
  
• She prayed, "Catch us the foxes." In other words, we cannot catch them by ourselves but we cry for God's help. She acknowledges the presence of the little foxes (her compromise) in her life and then offers continual prayer for help. The Lord is so willing to help us!
  

This is exactly what I have been feeling, but I wasn't sure exactly how to express it. God calls me to come after Him and He sees my sincere desire to obey. As I'm obeying, I am slowed and hampered in my response by fears, sinful thoughts, attitudes and words. These mar the tiny places where God is starting to cultivate fruit in me. I see the seriousness of these small areas that prevent me from walking by the Spirit and going deep in God and I want to change them. I have issues of unwholesome speech, unclean thoughts and selfish attitudes that are resisting servanthood and humility and destroying my intimacy with God. But, I cannot catch them by myself. Jesus, I need help, please!

But, I've been struggling with what part is mine to manage (i.e. taking the thought captive) and how much help I can ask God for. Asking for help from anyone is hard for me, even when it's God. But, I also have a bad history of striving and trying to do everything in my own strength and then failing miserably. So, I've been confessing my weak love and asking God to help me. And, today in the prayer room, I felt so encouraged that God was for me and that He appreciated my desire to pursue Him wholeheartedly! I felt such peace knowing that God was committed to helping me change and that I don't have to strive in my own strength. And when I fail, as I know I will, I can repent and run to God, instead of away from Him. I can ask Him to forgive me and help me keep going. I am so thankful that He sees my intention to pursue Him and that He delights to show me mercy when I repent.