We just started a new class on the love of God with Sarah Edwards. She is probably the fifth person who has talked about how God enjoys us in our weaknesses during the journey of our spiritual transformation. I had already forgotten about "the process" and that this is how God works. He just keeps saying it though, through all kinds of different people. So, I'm listening, again.
Sarah made several points that really moved and challenged me. She encouraged us not to rush our hearts and to slow down our busy souls. I have been reading my Bible for a long time and I'm smart, so I like to think that I know everything and can just move forward. But, when I'm honest, there are a lot of verses, even some that I have memorized, that I really don't understand or haven't experienced. These are places where I can let Him take me to "school". I can ask Him to teach me about Himself in these areas, knowing that it's OK with God that I don't already know this truth. I can be confident that God really does like me when I am growing and developing spiritually. He is the one who decided that my whole life in Him would be a journey of sanctification. God is powerful enough to change me instantly (and I still kind of wish He would), but He chooses to change me gradually and He enjoys me in this process. Sarah challenged us to press to experience His enjoyment of us along the journey. She also reminded us that God is far more acquainted with our souls than we are (Psalm 139) and He enjoys us because of who He is, not because of anything that we do.
Sarah also reminded us that God didn't jump into our stories. He is the one who is telling His story and He chose to bring us into it. We really need to look to Him to tell us who He is and what He is like. And, encountering God is not always what I expect it to be. When I think of an encounter, I think of having an angelic visitation, receiving prophetic prayer, being overcome with uncontrollable weeping or experiencing powerful ministry at the altar. I present myself to God and ask for Him to meet with me in one of these ways. I feel disappointed and frustrated when God doesn't meet me that way and I'm tempted to harden my heart and stop asking Him to encounter me.
It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, But the glory of kings is to search out a matter. Proverbs 25:2
Sarah reminded us that God enjoys hiding Himself and He wants us to search Him out. There is encounter with Jesus hidden in the pages of the Bible. If I read my Bible and expect to meet God as I do that, then there is a much greater chance that I will find Him there.
As I take stock of my life, I don't feel very successful. I am so aware of my failures. I want to love God wholeheartedly and I don't. I am full of compromise and I love to be happy and comfortable. I want to do great things for God and I have been praying for that since I was in high school. But, none of the things that I'm doing seem that great and I don't even really think that I know God that well. I have a ton of head knowledge, but I don't know that I have really experienced what it is like for Jesus to call me His friend, as the disciples did. (John 15:15) But, I don't think that giving in to self-pity and finding a new calling is the answer.
I remember concerning you the devotion (loving kindness) of your youth, The love of your betrothals, Your following after Me in the wilderness, Through a land not sown. Jeremiah 2:2b
My love is weak, but it's real. God sees the devotion that I have had for Him since my youth. He has forgiven my failures because I repented and asked for His forgiveness. What He remembers is the love of my recommitments to Him. Every time I said "Yes, Lord, I want to follow You with my whole heart", He rejoiced because He delights in mercy (Micah 7:18). God remembers how I have chosen obedience, even when He led me into the wilderness and I refused to go at first. In the same way that He forgave David for his sins and then called him "a man after My own heart, who will do all My will" (Acts 13:22), God forgives my sin and considers me to be after His heart and completely obedient to Him when I repent and choose to obey Him.
I don't understand this, yet. But, I want to. I am asking God to help me experience His enjoyment of me in this journey and help me to be patient with Him and with myself.
I can hear what you are saying all the way up north here!!! lol
ReplyDelete